bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
 i literally forgot i had this account. anyway some silencers reloaded stuff


The suit may be water-wicking, but it’s not waterproof, and Jin is really starting to feel the difference at hour five or six of this miserable stakeout. They’re shivering helplessly, crouched in the space between two rain-drenched chimney pots on a rooftop in the Bronx, holding one hand up to their eyes like a visor to keep the water off their face, watching the fire escape outside a top-floor apartment across the street. It’s colder here than in Porto Ouro, and the suit doesn’t trap heat nearly as well when it’s soaked through. 


Nothing is happening on the fire escape across the street, just as nothing has been happening on the fire escape across the street since Jin set up here. Jin is starting to think nothing is going to happen on the fire escape across the street and this is all going to be a wretched waste of their time.


“Sound off,” says Marian quietly in Jin’s earpiece, making them jump out of their fucking skin. It’s been an hour already since the last one? Fuck. “L’Antenne?”


“Still in position, Shepherd,” says Ben’s voice. He’s on the other side of the building, watching the front door. “No change. Nothing to report.”


“Convex?”


“No change,” says Jin through their chattering teeth. “Freezing my ass off, same as before.”


There’s no shiver evident in Ben’s voice, only mild reproach. Bastard. “Didn’t I mention you might want to grab a poncho on the way out the door?”


“It wasn’t raining when we left, asshole.”


“Well, the forecast -”


“Dude, do I sound like I’m in the mood for your shit?”


It’s just Jin and Ben on this mission; Bernard and Cassidy are off chasing the other half of this lead, probably somewhere a lot warmer and drier than this, the fuckers. Marian is running back end for both duos, also warm and dry back at the base, which Cassidy has repeatedly reminded them is no longer Silencers HQ, though that’s still how Jin thinks of it. What they wouldn’t give to be back there now, taking a hot shower or some shit. 


“Wait.” Ben’s voice is suddenly sharp and intent. “Got something.”


“Yeah, I see it,” says Marian, and Jin’s phone vibrates once in their pocket as Marian starts screen-sharing their heat-sig readings. “Is that a motorcycle?”


“Yeah. One rider. They’re parking by the gate. They’ve let themself in. They’re heading up the stairs. I’m gonna lose them as soon as they get inside.”


“Hold your position, L’Antenne.” Jin jumps again, having stupidly forgotten that Cassidy is also on this channel. “If that’s who we think it is, you don’t want to take her in a close-quarters fight.”


“Trust me, I’ve no interest in engaging, I’m just going to get a little closer.” 


“I said, hold position.” Cassidy’s tone leaves very little room for argument.


Ben says nothing. Jin can picture the face he’s making, the muscle tightening along his lower jaw.


“Lost the heat signature,” Marian says, breaking the silent standoff.


There’s another long moment of tense silence on the line, and then a light flicks on in the dark window Jin’s been staring blankly at for the past several hours. “Hey, uh,” they start, and that’s exactly when a lithe and flexible arm wraps around their neck from behind, choking off the rest of whatever they were gonna say. 


“Better not move,” a sibilant voice says against their ear. Jin lets themself be dragged to their feet, out from between the chimney pots, tucking their chin, trying not to strangle. The thing they thought was an arm turns out to be a - tail, or something, furless and a little scaly like a rat’s, apparently prehensile. The Bluetooth is plucked away, the tip of something like a claw pricking the shell of their ear, cutting off the several voices demanding a status report, and the metahuman says, probably into a communicator of their own, “Got one.”


Great. Stellar end to this fantastic evening.


The… rat person drags Jin to the center of the roof, walking them along backwards. Stumbling through the inch of standing water on the gravel-coated rooftop, fighting to breathe around the tail pressing against their windpipe, Jin thinks again, damn, could really go for that hot shower right about now.


"Yep," says the rat person, in response to something Jin can't hear. "Transporting in three, two -"


Jin chooses that moment to slam their elbow back into the rat person, hoping to catch them in the sternum or the tit or somewhere painful, but from the immediate loosening of the tail around their throat and the gargled grunt from behind them, it sounds like they must have got them in the neck instead. Jin whirls around, ready to throw hands; sure enough, the hunched-over figure only comes up to, like, their armpit, which doesn't make a lick of difference when they lunge at Jin and clamp a mouthful of needle-like little teeth into the meat of Jin's forearm.


"Aagh - fuck!"


Jin has about two seconds to whack at the creature worrying their arm like a dog toy before a swirl of deep shadow blossoms around them and swallows them both into a screaming void, black static blasting at them from all sides.


The sudden onslaught leaves Jin's ears ringing and vision swimming even after the portal or whatever dumps them in a heap with rat guy onto a shitty thin carpet, crispy with cigarette burns. Rat guy's teeth are still lodged in Jin's forearm. It fucking hurts.


"Wow," says a low voice, rough with years of smoke. "Biting, Sorga? Really?"


Sorga spits out Jin's arm. Blood beads on the reflective strip. "They went for my fucking neck, what the fuck was I supposed to do?"


"Hey, buddy, you went for my neck first," Jin points out, rising to their elbows and trying to surreptitiously hold the side button on their phone through their pocket, which would ping Marian their location and send up a distress flare.


Sorga snatches their wrist before they can get the button held down for the required three seconds. Up close in the light of a cheap fluorescent bulb, Jin can see their glittering black eyes and the long snout, patchy-furred, tipped with a quivery wet nose and a spray of coarse whiskers. "Want me to search 'em?"


"Suppose you'd better," says the smoker's voice, even as a pad-fingered claw-tipped hand is already patting down Jin's front and working open the hidden zipper at the edge of one of the reflective panels. Kari installed this zipper pocket because Jin was always losing their phone out of their basketball shorts; she'd be pissed that this rat guy found it so quick. Then again, Jin did kind of point it out to them.


The smoker has circled around in front of Jin now and crouched to examine them - a heavyset woman in a long, shiny pvc coat and spike stilettos, face mostly hidden by a fetish mask in the same material as the coat. Only her mouth is visible, an unlit cigarette dangling from lips coated with thick foundation. "So what are your powers, little hero? Besides annoying Sorga enough to get them to bite."


Sorga grumbles, fiddling with Jin's phone. Jin, wet and shivering, says nothing. The smoker's eyes are covered by the mask, which means there will be no use in trying to distract or startle her by reflecting light into her eyes. They'll just have to think of something else.


Sighing like her life is so difficult, the smoker reaches out a gloved hand, catches Jin by the jaw, and wrenches their head up. Jin doesn't fight. After a quiet moment of inspecting the fading bruises up the side of their neck (Ben's work, from two days ago), she says, with a lilt of humor, "You got a sweetheart, little hero? Girlfriend, boyfriend? Someone you care about? Lemme tell you right now, we'll find them. We'll make them sorry they were born, if you don't open your mouth and make some facts come out."


Jin keeps their mouth tight shut, breathes through their nose, and hopes Ben has disobeyed Cassidy by now and is about to bust the door down. The smoker's coat is beaded with rain. This must be the motorcycle rider they weren't supposed to fight at close quarters. Great.


"You're one of Bandit's new litter, aren't you? Thought they were operating out of Brooklyn still. What're you doing all the way uptown on a poor-weather night like this?"


Jin says nothing. 


The smoker brings her other hand to Jin's face, lifts a sodden strand of hair off their forehead, trails her fingertips down their cheek to the corner of their mouth, where she proceeds to force their lips apart. Jin finally allows themself to struggle, jerking and twisting, biting when they can't yank away, but then she gets her second and third fingers pressed to the roof of their mouth and a black burst of noise fills the inside of their skull and knocks them out cold.


***


Jin wakes up on a whole different floor. Linoleum this time. Still cold and wet, still bleeding sluggishly from the tooth puncture wounds in their arm. Head fucking slamming with headache. They drag a hand over their eyes, squint, try to determine anything useful about their location.


Looks like a kitchen. A cramped, dirty one. Their ankles have been zip-tied together, and Jin winces as they curl their cold, numb toes in their wet suit. 


They do seem to be alone. So there's that.


Well - hold on. Shouting from somewhere nearby. Sounds of a scuffle. A yell, maybe an exclamation of surprise or discomfort, maybe Jin's name, it's hard to tell.


They get themself up on one elbow, gritting their teeth at the lancing pain between their eyes (it really does feel like somebody drove a metal spike right through the center of their skull) and then they fall back with a wince as a door bangs open, loudly, and Sorga comes hurrying into the shitty little kitchen, cradling one claw-hand to their chest. Looks broken. Good.


"Get up," they say, reaching for Jin with their other hand. "We're going."


Jin tilts their shoulder like they're offering it to be grabbed, bouncing the kitchen's weak ceiling light directly into Sorga's beady eyes for an instant, not enough to stop them, not even really enough to sting. But they do flinch and hesitate just a hair, and Jin can work with that.


They kick with their hobbled feet and catch Sorga right in the snout. Shouting, Sorga reels backwards, and Jin throws themself into a dive, knocking an already unbalanced Sorga to the floor.


That, of course, is when the black bloom engulfs them both, gulping them out of existence.


"Bro, that sucks," Jin yells, hands clamped to head, the minute the black-static void deposits them at the feet of the motorcycle rider again.


She toes at them with less force than Jin would have expected, and they twist around on top of a struggling Sorga to see what has her so distracted.


It's Ben, silhouetted in the open - no, doorless - ah, he's ripped out the hinges, they're still circling his fist, the hinges and bolts, like a cloud of metal hornets, awaiting a target. His eyes flick to Jin for a half-second, and for only that half-second, there's fear in them, and Jin is transported to the floor of a Nutritech testing bay, teeth aching and muscles spasming from repeated electric shocks, locking eyes with a frightened Ben through the viewing window.


I'm fine, don't freak out, they try to say with their eyes, but then the woman is hauling them bodily to their still-hobbled feet and pressing something cold into the hollow beneath their jaw - the muzzle of a handgun, if they had to guess, and Ben does look scared, visibly, unmistakably, though right away he tries to hide it.


"Aww, is it him?" Jin can feel her grinning against the side of their face. "He your sweetheart?"


Ben lowers the fist orbited by the hinges and bolts (it's shaking). "Why don't we talk about this, instead of pulling guns and doing things we'll regret." He's trying to sound cavalier; it's not going great for him.


Cool, thanks for the backup, asshole, thinks Jin, trying to come up with anything better. Not a lot of wiggle room, with the gun jammed up hard into that soft spot under their jaw, hard enough to hurt. God dammit. "L'Antenne. Just - just do what she wants, man, fuck."


Ben's face doesn't twist - much - but Jin can read the tension in him anyway.


"Want you to put down those metals, first thing first. Sorga, go get 'em. We'll take you both."


She keeps the gun tight to Jin's head while Ben lets the hinges clatter to the floor and holds out his wrists to be zip-tied. Sorga takes his earpiece too, shooting Jin dirty looks over their shoulder all the while.


Cassidy's gonna be pissed


Jin tries to think while the woman uses her awful shadow power to swallow them out of the apartment complex and into what looks like the blacked-out back of a delivery van, but the blasting void-noise isn't very conducive to thinking.


"Oh, that's bad," Ben gasps, lying on his side, his shoulder digging into the small of Jin's back. "I get why she's called Black Static now."


Jin almost laughs. "Oh my god, Black Static?"


"That's what Cas- what Bandit said."


When Jin doesn't reply, Ben adds, sounding mulish, "Bandit also told us not to engage her in close combat. In case you'd forgotten."


"Wh-! She's the one who 'ported me inside, I didn't engage shit! You weren't supposed to engage her either, asshole!"


"I thought I was about to watch her shoot you dead," Ben says, in such a venomous tone that Jin stops squirming to try to reach their tied ankles and lies still against his back for a moment because it's not like him to lose his cool this way.


"Dude. You pissed or something?"


"You're shivering."


"Yeah, I'm fucking cold. Don't avoid the question."


"You really -" They feel him take a breath, a long slow one, and then he's shuffling around behind them until he's lined up against Jin back to front, his face in the crook of their shoulder. When he speaks again, it's flat and sardonic and that’s how Jin knows he’s really fucking mad, because he doesn’t usually pull that shit with them these days. "You get a kick out of putting your own life in danger? Is that it? You get off on making me watch you almost die over and over?"


"What? Come on, man, don't be like that."


"Like what? Worried about you?"


Almost funny, how unimaginable that would have been, coming from him, even like a year ago. "In case you forgot," says Jin, knowing it's a shitty thing to say before it even leaves their mouth, "only one of us has actually watched the other one die, and it wasn't you."


Underhanded, maybe, but it does shut him up, which gives Jin time to think. Head still fucking hurts. Never been the same since all those concussions.


Ben lies stiff and angry against them while they bunch their legs up and try to get at their zip-tied ankles again. "Would you stop that," he says finally, a little sullen.


"And what, lie here for the next hour and a half waiting for Bandit and Outflow to hop the A and come rescue us? Nah. Got a better idea."


"Oh, and I suppose I'm going to like this idea?"


"Nope," Jin says grimly, and tells him.


***


Small mercy that Ben's wrists were tied in front instead of behind, but it wouldn't have particularly mattered, since what he ends up doing is feeling around with his powers, finding a pair of wire cutters in the van's glovebox, and floating them over to cut the ties without ever touching them.


"You've had better plans," he grumbles, rubbing circulation back into his wrists while Jin cracks the van door and checks for cameras in the parking garage outside. 


"Yeah, and I've had worse ones. Plus, I don't hear you having any. Looks like one camera on this side, four o'clock, up by that pillar. Angled on the loading doors so we're probably good. You wanna drive, or?"


"I don't want either of us driving, Jin, considering neither of us are licensed, and we are in the Bronx."


Jin shuts the van door and fixes him with a withering look. "Ears wide open for a better plan." 


None seems forthcoming, so they climb over him and settle into the driver's seat, fiddling with the floor pedals. Is it one for each foot, or are you supposed to somehow push both with the same foot? "Look, it's not Manhattan or anything. Now get up here and put your seatbelt on. Safety first."


Ben attempts a scoff, but Jin can see his fingers trembling on the seatbelt buckle. To his credit, he still uses his powers to turn the empty ignition, which, Jin supposes, is all they can really ask.


Not many other cars on the road at fuck a.m. on a rainy night in the Bronx, which is probably the only reason they make it two entire blocks before Jin hops a curb and plows to an abrupt halt against a stoplight pole.


"I am never getting into a car with you again," says Ben, without releasing his death grip on the door handle. His face, under the red cast of the stoplight, is blanched completely white.


Jin unwraps their fingers cautiously from the steering wheel and puts the van in what they think must be park. "I dunno, I see how it could be kinda fun. Driving. If, like, you knew how, and it wasn't raining, and you weren't tryna fucking, escape from a known supervillain…"


The rain is, in fact, drumming very pleasantly on the roof and windshield of the van. Jin has never been much of a white noise person, but leaning back in the driver's seat and closing their eyes and letting the tension of the crash ride out on a long breath, they can kinda see how the sound could be… soothing or whatever. Or maybe Black Static’s miserable power is still cobwebbing up the inside of their skull.


It’s quiet in the van for a minute, other than the rain, and another faint sound that Jin finally identifies as Ben’s rapid breathing.


They crack an eye.


He’s still rigid in the passenger seat. He hasn’t let go of the door handle. His eyes are closed, tight shut, and he’s clearly losing the fight to regulate his breathing.


“Hey, man.”


Nothing, except maybe he squeezes his eyes shut a little tighter.


“Ben.” Jin reaches out, slow, so they won’t startle him. “Hey.” Hand on his arm. Slow. “You’re okay, man. We’re all good. Car didn’t even blow up or anything. Didn’t even set off the air bags.”


He swallows, throat jumping, and the next breath he takes seems slightly deeper and slower than the one before.


"Okay, good, that's good. You're doing good, keep that up."


"I'm fine," he mumbles, a hoarse burr to his voice. 


"Okay, buddy, whatever you want. Keep breathing."


Keeping a hand on Ben's arm while he collects himself, Jin peers out the rain-filmed windshield and tries to get a bead on their location. They don't recognize the street; it's totally out of sight of the apartment complex where they tried to corner Black Static. Looks like there's a subway entrance another half-block down. Could make a break for that, try to lose her and Sorga on the trains - god dammit, they wish they knew more about her power, does it let her appear anywhere or just somewhere she's seen, somewhere she's been? Fuck. Maybe they oughta find a payphone first, let Cassidy and Marian know -


"Oh, shit," says Ben suddenly, and then in a rush of deafening silence the van drops out from underneath them.


Well, drops with them, more accurately. Drops with them still in it. Whatever. Ben has yanked Jin tight against him and suspended them both, keeping them from smashing against the walls of the wildly tumbling vehicle. He's yelling, wordless and terrified, and it's all Jin can do to keep ahold of him and tuck their head and hope he doesn't fuck up.


There's a loud, awful crunch of metal as the van lands back on the ground, on its side this time. The air bags finally do go off, one of them punching Jin in the shoulder, and a few of the windows shatter in on them in a cascade of rainwater and broken glass. There's a strident noise echoing in Jin's ears that takes them a moment to identify as the van's panic alarm.


Ben is still keeping the two of them suspended, arms wrapped around Jin like he's trying to hold them together. Jin suspects he's holding himself together more than anything. 


"Alright, kids," says Black Static's smoker voice, pitched a little louder to cut through the sound of the rain. "Come on out, if you're done playing."


"Yeah Jin, are we done playing?" Ben hisses between his teeth. Jin can feel his whole body screaming with tension against them.


"Maybe not yet. I got an idea. It's totally dependent on your power, and if you fuck it up we could both die, wanna hear it?"


***


Ben hates this idea just about as much as the last one, but he flips the car in the direction of Black Static's voice and maneuvers them out the side door that he rips off of its sliding track while the whole vehicle is still in midair without getting them both tangled in seatbelt straps or gouged by flying glass, so all in all Jin's pretty impressed. He even gets them down the block to the metro station using the dislocated door as a screeching, juddering sled, the two of them crouching and clinging to the inside of it for dear life. 


The van door clangs down the rain-slick metro steps with Jin and Ben still aboard, bashes into the wall at the bottom of the staircase, and throws them both into a stagnant puddle. Jin groans, spits out puddle water, and shoves Ben off of them so that he splashes down on one elbow at their side. "Dude, this mission blows."


He's soggy and shaking as he hauls himself to his feet. His hair sticks to his forehead. "I don't appreciate your accusatory tone, Jin -"


"Convex."


"Oh, whatever! Our earpieces are gone, our phones are gone, Cassidy's not listening, no one is listening, I really don't see why it matters!"


"It's the, the principle or whatever the fuck, and besides, the station could be bugged and anyone could be listening."


"You're really getting on my last nerve today," says Ben, but he reaches for Jin's hand and hauls them up and out of the puddle anyway and they're off and running again, down the dirty white-tiled corridors, following signs for downtown.


***


It’s not until both of them are slumped, soggy and aching and miserable, side by side in the dirty plastic seats of an empty A-train car that Jin thinks to say, “You know, you can get like. Pills and stuff. For the motion sickness.”


Ben’s eyes are closed again. “I’m managing it.”


“Look, man, I’m not trying to like, tell you what to do or whatever, just -”


“It’s under control.”


"Okay - yeah. Okay."


***


They must fall asleep on the A, because next thing they know, the subway car's not moving anymore and Ben's voice is right in their ear.


“...Jin? Hello? Did you hit your head when I wasn’t looking? Don’t fucking pass out on me.”


Jin lets him shake them back to awareness, head lolling a little. “Dude, knock it off, that bitch set off her powers on the inside of my mouth, can you blame me for being a little wobbly.”


“She - she what? God, never mind. Come on. Up.”


He's on his feet now, pulling them up with him. Ooh, fuck, their head hurts, which it didn't while they were unconscious, so they're very much looking forward to getting back to that. 


“You’re mad at me again, aren’t you,” says Jin, letting themself be dragged back out of the metro station, up the stairs (fuck, stairs) and into the fucking rain again. Damn. Just when they were starting to get less wet and cold. At least it's less than a block to their building from here.


Ben hasn't let go of their arm. He's towing them along the sidewalk with single-minded momentum. "Is it so hard to believe I might be concerned? About your - your behavior, your flagrant disregard for your own safety -"


"Alright, alright, I get the picture, can we do this, like, not right now?"


He stops dead in the middle of the sidewalk, spins around mid-step so suddenly that Jin full body slams into him. He catches them by the upper arms and bears down - ouch, right, their forearm is still bleeding. There's hair in his eyes, dark and heavy with rainwater, droplets collecting in his eyelashes and the stupid little hairs in his goatee, and Jin is still muzzling over the way rain has pooled in the divot above his upper lip when he kisses them, hard, bruisingly hard.


It brings Jin back into their body somehow, like they were walking half a step behind themself until he jerked them both to a stop, and now they've kind of slammed into themself, it jolts them awake and shakes loose the last effects of Black Static's power. He tastes like cigarette smoke, familiar, and also like dirty New York rain, which reminds Jin that they're still fucking freezing their ass off.


Ben is pressing his forehead to theirs now. His hands are warm on Jin's biceps. "God dammit, Jin, if she had decided to pull that trigger, there's nothing I could have -"


"I know. Look, I'm sorry." Can we go inside now, they refrain from adding. 


That seems to satisfy him, at least for the moment. He kisses them again, briefly this time, as if just to punctuate his point, and then he's back to towing them down the shiny-wet sidewalk. 


***


The lights in the living room and kitchen are off when Jin and Ben stagger back into the Silencers base. Only the glow of the several computer screens in the far corner, where Marian swivels in their chair as the two of them shuck off their wet shoes in the entryway. 


"Holy shit, what happened? I already called you both in MIA."


"Black Static," says Ben shortly, catching Jin by the shoulder as they overbalance again. "Get the first aid kit, will you?"


Marian bites their lip. "I - I'm still on the horn with Cassidy -"


Their headset lights up - it's a castoff of Bernard's, Jin thinks, with the stupid gamer LEDs on it - and Marian listens intently before rushing out, "No - no, they're here, back at base, no visible major injuries, no, they weren't tailed -" lifting the headset off one ear: "Were you tailed?" 


Ben huffs and rolls his eyes and manhandles Jin to the kitchen, which they allow only because they've had a fucking day and standing upright is getting a little tough. He gets them into a chair and stomps off to the bathroom for the first aid kit, at which point Marian turns their chair a little farther and says to Jin, one hand covering their headset microphone, "Is he - oh, my god, you’re bleeding - is he mad about something?"


Jin is peeling the clinging wet sleeve of their suit back to get a better look at the tooth marks. They're having some trouble closing their hand, but that might just be the cold. "Bro. When is he not."


"Eugh," says Ben, returning with the medkit and seeing the way Jin is trying to pull the inside of their sleeve free of the congealing blood on their forearm. "Stop - stop, stop that. Arm on the table."


He's brought a dry towel as well - surprisingly considerate of him - and Jin falls into a sort of stupor with its warmth around their shoulders as Ben loosens the clotted blood with a damp cloth, disinfects the two semicircles of puncture wounds (it stings, but not enough for Jin to flinch, they've had worse) and tapes it over with gauze, all with a clench-jawed expression of discomfort. A laugh makes its way out of Jin, just a huff of humor, really, and he flicks them an irritated glance.


"Care to share the joke?"


"I just - weren't you gonna be a doctor, wasn't that the, the original plan?" Jin remembers his disgust at the desiccated mouse in the tray. "And you're squeamish?"


"You may recall the discussion where I mentioned that was what my parents wanted for me, not what I wanted for myself, yes?" They're both speaking quietly, trying not to interrupt Marian, who is still glued to the monitors and occasionally answering questions from Cassidy over the headset. 


"I was just thinking, maybe it all kinda worked out, like, you don't have to be a whole ass real doctor, and it sure doesn't hurt to have a couple of former pre-meds on a hero team."


For the first time today, a little wry twist of a grin appears at one corner of Ben's mouth. "True enough. Though somehow the rest of us seem to be far less injury-prone than you."


"Weird," says Jin, watching him roll the excess gauze into a precise cylinder and tuck it back into the med kit. "Must be all those superpowers I don't have."


That earns them a severe look. "That's what worries me, Jin."


“Hey, you do have superpowers, okay, and I have you to back me up, because we're a team, right, isn't that, like, the whole point? So quit freaking out.”


He huffs. “I am not freaking out.”


“Kay.” Jin leans back in the kitchen chair and closes their eyes, but only gets about halfway to unconscious before Ben's hands are on their towel-swaddled upper arms again, lifting them to their feet.


“Jin, for the love of - Go dry off. Clean clothes. Then bed. I'll bring you an Ibuprofen.”


“Aw, thanks, Nurse,” mumbles Jin, and they can feel Ben rolling his eyes, but he supports them to the door of the bedroom and a couple minutes later he really does bring them a bottle of pills and a glass of water, and he even helps them sit up to drink it.


And he settles into the room's only chair with a textbook after, without them even having to ask.


And that's on character development, thinks Jin, letting their eyes close.
bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
 that season finale tho. we're playing a fun game here called how many times can we end a scene with jin passed out cold.


Dragging themself, and a sobbing Marian, out of the water and up onto the beach is maybe the hardest thing Jin has ever done, and they’ve done some wildly difficult shit in the past couple of months.


Somebody in the early class left a lab mouse sitting out after dissection in Jin’s first-year bio practicum one time. Stiff in its little styrofoam tray, guts pinned open, skin shrunk tight against its skeleton. (Ben was Jin's lab partner that day. He'd turned his face aside at the sight of it, leaving Jin to tip the little tray into the trash.) Jin’s body feels like that - hollowed out, a stick-frame of loosely lashed bones. They didn't realize just how extensively Pygmalion had been smoothing their movements, helping them lift and push and pull and walk and sit and stand and lie down. Now their own muscles are small and flaccid, weak with disuse, and when the nanobots flood out of their body and they fall, with a series of stop-motion jerks, to their knees in the ocean with Marian in their arms, it’s only very distantly from shock and mostly because their legs just won’t hold them up any fucking more. They keep one trembling arm locked around Marian and claw their way through the shallows with the other, sea-froth and stirred-up sand sloshing into their mouth. They’re half-conscious and half-drowned and bleeding from a half-dozen scrapes and grazes they don't remember getting and doing their fucking best to keep Marian’s head above water, which seems like some kind of fucked up metaphor for like, this whole thing honestly. The palm of their right hand is stinging with the salt, trailing threads of blood. They don't remember why - ah, Ursa's taser robot. Crushed in their fist. They didn’t even register the lacerations at the time, and now Pygmalion isn't around to heal them.


The inside of their head feels hollowed out too. There's only one quiet thought rattling around in there, tiny but persistent, like a beach pebble in the toe of a shoe: Now me and Marian are the same.


Jin’s limbs completely give up halfway out of the surf. They collapse on their side, still holding Marian close, fingers cramped into a fist around a handful of Marian’s shirt. Marian’s back heaves with sobs, wracking and awful, like their body is coming apart.


Seawater hisses up the beach, funneling sand out from under them. Jin feels the receding wave tug at the loose hem of their shorts and remembers being five years old on vacation with their parents in Monterey, lying on the cool hard-packed sand at the tide line, letting the waves make a little island out of their body.


Where the evening breeze touches their sodden clothes, cold sets in. “Soul,” they say, and the effort of pushing that sound out of their mouth makes them drop their head to the wet sand in exhaustion. Their neck feels like a toothpick, too spindly to hold up the weight of their skull. 


Luckily, a few moments later, Soul does appear overhead, wearing a look of concern, along with Swansong, who reaches for Marian, saying, “Jin, let me -”


With the absolute dregs of their strength, Jin pulls Marian a little more firmly against them and croaks, “No.”




It's Airic who carries them both back to the manor, cradling them against each other in his big bony arms because Jin still won't let go. Marian has fallen quiet by the time Airic deposits them gently in the infirmary, just a low hitching breath every so often. Jin clings to consciousness and to Marian with the same grim determination, freezing on the infirmary exam table but unable to shiver, soaked and gritty with sand, shoes full of water. Marian's eyes are closed, salt drying in their lashes.


There's water in Jin's ears. Everything sounds garbled and distant; the hum of medical equipment, the infirmary doors opening and shutting, the voices and footsteps. Someone pries Jin's hand free of Marian's shirt, finger by stiff cold finger, and they try to open their mouth and protest, or shake their head, or something, but in the end all they manage to do is pass out.


bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
 beginning of s2 jinmarian for the soul. not gm approved lol. heads up for mild transphobia from jin's mom.


Jin towels their damp hair, dripping water on the bath mat. They always feel a little sticky after a visit to the mall. Probably a holdover from when their mother would take them shopping with her as a kid and tell them not to run their hand along the railings or touch any part of the escalator or sit on the dirty floors, and then insist on plopping them straight in the bath when they got home. She was very conscious about germs. 


Looking at themself in the bathroom mirror in their Elysium quarters now, at the scars they've been racking up in the past months, at the inhuman ripple of muscle in their arm when they raise a hand to push their wet hair off their forehead, Jin can't help but think that one day they're going to go home to visit their parents and be completely unrecognizable. Their mother is going to look at them the way she used to, when they first asked her to buy them boy’s clothes, with both perfect eyebrows arched like, didn’t I raise you better than this. She bought them the clothes, and she never said anything, not out loud, but Jin knew she was disappointed.


They’re prepared for that, at least. It’s always like that with parents. But it’s kind of nice that Marian has only known them the way they are now. It’s nice - freeing - to start without all that baggage of whoever the fuck they both were before.


They kissed Marian in the Hot Topic dressing room. It was kind of an accident, but also, it wasn't.


One second it's Marian in the doorway, blue hair a little messed up, a few strands over one eye, asking Jin what did they think of these jeans, turning a half-circle. Jin following them into the little room, letting the door shut behind them, Marian backing away with a grin, drawing them in with just the magnet-pull of that fucking irresistible smile. Don’t they know Jin’s full of metal.


The stall isn’t big. Marian takes three steps back and hits the mirror and then Jin’s right there up against them and Marian’s still grinning and there is absolutely no space between them anywhere except the fucking tiny sliver between Jin’s mouth and Marian’s mouth and now the smile is parted lips and a hot breath and now, only now, Jin is realizing how fast it all is, and they try to deflect away the inevitable by tilting their face so their temple comes up lightly against Marian’s cheek, high, almost at the corner of their eye, and they freeze there, waiting. Marian’s breath is on the lobe of their ear, Jin can’t fucking move, and then there’s the light brush of a hand at the outside of their elbow, just below the hem of their t-shirt sleeve, the brief electricity of bare skin, of fingertips, and Jin jerks just a fraction and Marian says “fuck,” breathes it out like it’s some kind of surprise when in actuality there’s nothing at all surprising about this, about literally any aspect of this situation, because Jin just can’t not be like this apparently. Can’t not be pulled in by magnets, not when they’re fucking full of metal from head to foot. 


And Jin gives up and takes Marian’s face in their palm and draws their two mouths into alignment and it’s so easy, it’s so, so easy, Jin can’t remember why they tried to stop this from happening in the first place. Marian tastes sweet, a little like blackberry, from the fancy stupid novelty ice cream they ate together twenty minutes ago, leaning on the railing of the mall’s second floor and watching people pass by down below.


(Jin dropped their lighter. Like their hands just didn’t want to hold it anymore.)


Marian’s hand is at the back of Jin’s head, keeping them anchored, them against Marian against the mirror. When they pull apart to breathe, Jin can just catch sight of their own reflection, open-mouthed and heavy-lidded, panting a little, and then they take in Marian, whose eyes are still closed, making them look young and vulnerable in a way that catches Jin completely off guard. And then their eyes flutter open and they’re looking at Jin the way Jin normally hates when people look at them, like they understand, everything, completely.


Except Marian does almost understand, actually, and that’s, fuck, that’s a weird one. Closest anyone’s ever come, anyway, besides. Besides. No, you know what, fuck him.


Fuck him. 


Jin wraps the towel around their hips, settles their glasses back on their nose, frowning as the lenses steam over immediately. They open the bathroom door and let the cloud of steam vent out into the cooler air of their bedroom. 


Maybe this is a bad idea, this Marian thing. But it’s so easy, and it seems like it’s been so long since anything was easy for Jin. Aren’t they allowed to want something easy for once?


bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
 i straight forgot about this one lads. pre-s2.


It’s real fuckin’ weird, being in their parents’ house again.


It’s not even the same house. They moved after Jin left for college, into a bigger, nicer house with lofty windows looking out on other even bigger, nicer houses. Jin sits at the kitchen table - the same table, Jin can see the scars in the wood where their plastic high chair tray used to chafe against the tabletop - and stares out a tall bank of windows at a fancy-ass flowering hedge outside. Their phone is chilling on the table in front of them, along with a BLT on a white ceramic plate. Jin touches neither.


They have phone calls to make. They’ve been putting them off.


Yesterday, their father cashed in a day of PTO and the three of them drove a few hours to the beach, the one Jin had liked the most as a kid. It was called Lover’s Point; some local story about two sad motherfuckers hurling themselves over the cliff’s edge together to die on the rocks rather than be separated, or some shit. Kind of gothic in concept, but the actual beach looked as innocuous as it did in Jin’s memory, and in the photos Jin’s mother always painstakingly compiled into plastic-sleeved albums when they got home - a rocky retaining wall with a few sparse trees above it, the cove-like beach. Little Jin had played there for hours - hours broken up by scheduled reprieves from the sun under their mother’s rented umbrella and militant reapplications of sunscreen - making necklaces of seaweed, digging their toes into the wet sand and gasping in shock and delight when the cold water rose around them and made them sink deeper, collecting fistfuls of smooth shells, having lively conversations with seagulls. Eating a dribbling ice cream cone, and then discovering after a wave splashed their sticky face that they loved the way the sweet and salt mixed on their lips. 


Yesterday, Jin didn’t play in the shallows the way they used to. They sat with their parents on a blanket in the sand, jacket zipped up to their chin against the spring chill blowing in off the water, watching the seagulls wheel overhead. Their father had been engrossed in a book, pages ruffling with each gust of salt breeze, and after explaining to their mother that they weren’t supposed to read for another week, she’d let them alone.


Jin hasn’t told them yet. About the incompletes.


They know how disappointed their parents will be when they find out, and Jin doesn't need that stressor along with these fucking phone calls they still haven't made. 


Nudging aside the BLT with their elbow, Jin huffs out an exhale and taps the touchscreen of their newest phone, courtesy of AEGIS after they lost the last one (again). Astin’s cell number is still saved in their contacts, but Jin isn’t sure he’s been allowed to keep it, so they Google the AEGIS-USA general contact number and dial that instead.

 

Might as well start with the easiest one.


bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
warning: if academic emails stress you out maybe skip this one

this takes place while jin is in california with their parents between seasons 1 and 2.


From: abriegot@pou.edu

Reply to: saitoj@pou.edu

Subject: absences


Hello Jin,


Unfortunately, you have too many absences on record to be able to complete this class with a passing grade, even if you turn in all the work at the end of the semester. I would recommend you file with the registrar for an incomplete and finish up in the summer, when you have recovered sufficiently from your ordeal.


Sincerely,

Professor Abriego


From: okalak@pou.edu

Reply to: saitoj@pou.edu

Subject: absences


Yeah, wow, I thought that was you I saw on tv that time! Sounds like an incomplete might be the way to go. Take care, and let me know if there’s anything you need me to sign.


- Kelly


From: josephsc@pou.edu

Reply to: saitoj@pou.edu

Subject: absences


Hi Jon


You’ve missed a lot of my class. Take an incomplete or i'll have to fail you. Sorry bud


- josephs


From: thortone@pou.edu

Reply to: saitoj@pou.edu

Subject: absences


Hi Jin,


Really sorry to hear about your medical circumstances. Would be willing to have you do some TA work for me this summer to make up for the missed class time, but I’m afraid I would have to suspend your grades until after that. My advice would be to take the incomplete for now and give yourself some time to heal. TBIs are no joke.


Best regards,

Prof. Thorton


PS: have you heard from Benoit Mercier, by any chance? He’s missed about as much class as you and doesn’t seem to be checking his email.


From: polovskij@pou.edu

Reply to: saitoj@pou.edu

Subject: incomplete form


Hello Mx Saito,


In order to appeal for an incomplete grade (which will appear as an I on your transcript) you must pick up an Incomplete Grade Form from our office and acquire signatures from your academic advisor and your professor for each class. Our office is open 8am to 4pm on weekdays and 10am to 1pm on Saturday.


Best,

Jaime Polovski

Office of the Registrar

Porto Ouro University


From: polovskij@pou.edu

Reply to: saitoj@pou.edu

Subject: incomplete form


Hello Mx Saito,


Normally we do require physical signatures from your professors and advisor. Taking your unique circumstances into account, I am willing to leave it up to your individual professors’ discretion whether they wish to sign electronically or physically.


Best,

Jaime Polovski

Office of the Registrar

Porto Ouro University


Hello Mx Saito,


We have received authorization from three of your professors to put you down as incomplete for their classes. Until we hear back from Mr. Josephs, however, we cannot move forward in processing your application.


Best,

Jaime Polovski

Office of the Registrar

Porto Ouro University


Fwd: incomplete form signatures

From: polovskij@pou.edu

To: josephsc@pou.edu

cc: saitoj@pou.edu


Mx Saito has presumably explained the scope of their extenuating circumstances to you. Their other professors have agreed to provide electronic signatures, since Jin is out of town currently. We cannot move forward with the processing of this application until we receive a signature from you, be it electronic or physical. You may deliver physical documents to the registrar’s office, box 11, attention of Sarah Castille, who will be the one processing Jin’s application.


Thanks,

Jaime


From: josephsc@pou.edu

Reply to: polovskij@pou.edu

Cc: saitoj@pou.edu

Subject: incomplete form signatures


really don’t see how jons decision to “leave town” mid semester constitutes an emergency on my end. I got fifty midterms to grade. Plus i havent seen a doctors note


- josephs


Fwd: incomplete form signatures

From: fossenphd@gentlehands.net

Reply To: polovskij@pou.edu, josephsc@pou.edu

Cc: saitoj@pou.edu


Hi all,


Please find attached both an electronic copy and a photo-scan of the physical doctor’s note I provided to Jin’s academic advisor several weeks ago. Jin has suffered multiple concussions since that time, and I strongly recommend for their ongoing health that they refrain from taking on any academic stressors that could exacerbate the healing process.


If you’re looking for a more personal endorsement, Mr. Josephs, I understand that Jin Saito played a not insignificant part in saving my daughter’s life, never mind the lives of everyone in this city. Are you seriously going to fail them out of your microbiology class for missing a few weeks of school?


Jin, I’m sure you know this and the AEGIS doctors have probably told you as much, but no books or computer screens for at least another week, got that?


- Barnum Fossen, Phd

Gentle Hands Clinic

101-958-2774


bipolyjack: a japanese person with glasses hugging a glowing humanoid robot (jin and soul)
me and ari just think that robots should hook up with their exes! i wrote jin's bits, ari wrote soul's. post s1



It has been strange settling into the Elysium living space. The Aegis bunker hadn’t exactly been glamorous, but it had still been Soul’s first home and she’s sad to leave it behind even if the new place is at least as nice. Sometimes she finds herself just sort of pacing, browsing online in her mind and letting her feet wander the team’s new space.


That’s how she finds herself knocking on Jin’s door.


“Yeah, what’s up?” Jin pauses a round of Guitar Hero on an embarrassingly low score and comes to the door with the big plastic controller in hand. They’re not sure who they’re expecting to see on the other side, but Soul in an unzipped, oversized hoodie definitely isn’t it. “Oh, hey - hey.”


“Hi.”


Soul looks at Jin, not quite sure what she wants. Company or something, maybe. Feeling like she did when the team had first moved into the Aegis bunker.


“Hey. You, uh. Doing okay?”


Soul considers the question for a moment. “I think so. May I come in?”


Jin realizes they’re blocking her out in the hallway and steps aside. “Oh - yeah, totally, I was just - I grabbed Astin’s Playstation from the old bunker and, you know. You wanna play? Or is there like. Something on your mind?”


“I would like that, thank you. I am just trying to get used to our new home, I think.” Soul takes up the second controller and waits for Jin to sit again before planting herself next to them.


It’s kind of weird, to hang out with Soul one on one like this. For the two weeks Jin had been in the infirmary, during which they’d slept a lot and seen barely anyone, they’d done their best not to think too hard about what Soul might be doing, or thinking, or feeling, with mild to middling success. But with her sitting next to them on the floor, attention fixed on the tv screen Jin had leaned up against the wall, they’re having a tough time keeping a lid on the speculation. “So whatcha been up to? With Elysium, and, and whatever.”


Soul answers without looking away from the screen. “Orientation.” She fails to elaborate.


“You play ‘get down Mr. President’ this time?”


“Oh, no. It’s mostly been meetings.” Soul almost kinda smiles.


The two of them play without speaking for several minutes, buttons clacking on the controllers, before Jin gets up the gumption to say, “It’s like when we moved into the bunker, huh.”


“Mhmm. I miss that, I think. It was nice.”


“Yeah.” It was nice. Before all the shit went down, when they were still getting to know each other. Before Soul saw Jin for what they were: a motherfucker.


The round ends. Soul won. Jin goes back to the menu, picks “Heart Shaped Box” without really thinking. “You, like. Doing okay?”


Soul nails the first few notes before stumbling over most of the intro phrase. “Why do so many of the songs about love sound angry as well? Is love not a good thing sometimes?” The memory makes her gut sink, metaphorically.


“There have been a lot of changes recently.”


“Yeah,” says Jin again, because what else can they say to that? Soul’s scoring lower this time, and Jin remembers when she asked them about this song, about what it meant. Months ago, now. Funny how time passes different when you’re not going to class every day. How it starts to slip away from you. Though that could be the concussion talking.


By the time the third verse rolls around, Soul’s score is barely passing. “Does love make people angry sometimes?” She only notices she’s crying when her finger flickers out so bad she loses her grip on the guitar neck.


Jin sets their controller aside without bothering to pause the game. It fails them both out as Jin lays a hand on Soul’s flickering knee, second-guesses and pulls back, then lets it land again. “Aw, Soul, you’re - hey, I’m sorry.”


Jin hasn’t touched her in weeks, not since she broke up with them, which makes sense of course but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t missed it, hasn’t missed them. She lets herself cry and tilts over towards them, hoping to find a shoulder.


Oh no, Jin thinks, but lets her lean on them, puts an arm around her, draws her up against them, against their better judgement. “I’m sorry,” they say again, like it will change anything or fix anything or matter whatsoever, as if saying I’m sorry has mattered any of the other times they’ve said it, to any of the other people they’ve said it to. They’re not even sure which of their mistakes they’re apologizing for. Any of them. All of them.


Soul lets herself be drawn in. It feels good and familiar and she doesn’t stop crying but after a moment it does downgrade to a bad sniffle. Her face is pressed against Jin’s shoulder, and without really thinking about it, she whispers what she’s feeling. “I miss you.”


Dammit. “Yeah,” says Jin quietly, and lets their cheek rest on the top of her head, knowing they shouldn’t and doing it anyway, like always. “Same.”


Her arms have been pressed up between herself and Jin, and now Soul lets herself wrap around them. She feels like she should be thinking about what she’s doing. She doesn’t really want to though. She shifts her head, still pressed against Jin’s shoulder, but looks up towards their face.


Her eyes are so big and round, glowing purple. Jin gets lost in them for a hot second before taking hold of her arms and gently distangling themself, which is damn hard because it feels good to be held. They want that hug so bad. But they shouldn’t. “Soul, I thought you didn’t - I know you don’t want -”


Soul starts to let Jin move her arms, but after a moment she puts up a gentle resistance, not asserting herself necessarily but asking to stay. She knows she doesn’t know what she wants. “I do though.” They don’t have to kiss her, she’s not going to die if they don’t, but she does lean in hoping they won’t lean away.


“Soul,” they say, but it comes out so quiet, all air and no spine, and they still have a loose grip on both of her arms but they don’t stop her from holding onto them, and they let her mouth meet theirs, and they don’t exactly not kiss back.


Soul let’s herself sink into Jin’s kisses, clears her mind of anything but those and their arms around her. It’s easy. She’s missed them. “I miss you.” She doesn’t stop kissing them.


Fucking hell. Jin should stop her. Shoulda stopped her already, but they want it just as bad and their mouth remembers hers even though it’s been weeks because they’ve never kissed anyone else whose mouth is like Soul’s but god fucking damn it, they’re not together, they’re not together anymore, how did their hand wind up on her face? Shit, fuck.


There’s a moment, the briefest moment, when Soul almost pulls away, almost needs more time to think, but then something she does makes Jin gasp and both their hands start to wander and then it’s far too late for critical thinking.


---


Soul doesn’t want to stop, but the certainty that this has all been a terrible idea settles in suddenly and without room for argument. She feels herself freeze up against Jin and before she knows it she’s crying again.


“Aw, hey - hey.” Jin tries to lay a hand on her cheek, but she’s flickering so wildly their palm keeps clipping through. “Soul -”


She’s not sure what to do, what she wants. Her first instinct is to hug Jin tighter, find that comfort, and she does almost feel better for a second but then it just feels even more wrong. “I- I should not have . . .”


Jin doesn’t stop Soul from extricating herself because she’s right, she shouldn’t have, and Jin shouldn’t have let her. It’s just that Jin was alone in the infirmary and alone in that NutriTech cell and alone before they came to Porto Ouro and if there’s anything Jin has learned after all this shit, it’s that they’re not too great at being alone.


“Soul,” they say, and even to them it sounds guilty.


She wants to say something back, but she can’t even bring herself to make eye contact as she untangles herself from the sheets and grabs her hoodie off the floor.


“Come on, Soul, you don’t have to - it’s not -” Oh yeah, it's not what, fuckwad? That was an ill-advised hookup with an ex and you, at least, should fucking know better. Jin doesn’t reach for their clothes yet; just sitting up in bed feels like swimming through cold mud, almost like the nanobots are resisting their movements. They sit with their knees drawn up and watch Soul gather her hoodie into a bundle under her arm, because what are they gonna do, stop her?


Soul moves for the door, still trying to say something but not knowing what. She pauses just before she opens it, turns her head not quite far enough to see Jin in her peripherals. It’s not their fault, or maybe it is? It’ll be okay later, or maybe it won’t? She settles on saying nothing and leaves, grateful that there’s no one in the hall between her room and Jin’s.


The door slides shut behind her, and Jin flops back down on the bed, scrubs their hands over their face and through their hair, feels across the nightstand for a cigarette. Nice going, asshole. Haven’t you hurt her enough?
bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
 jin's moment of truth was kind of buck wild and i wanted 2 write something about it. some body horror, be warned



The image of Ben and the weird flickering robot cuts to black. A little static clings to Jin’s fingers as they take their hand off the screen. Their head hurts. Through the observation room’s wide one-way window, they can see Jess and Sue Ann facing off with the wire-armature-looking S1N unit, Sue Ann’s toothy mouth wide open in a roar.


“Happy now?” says Polaris over the speakers.


Fucking no. Jin swore they’d never come back here and now almost everyone they care about is trapped here with them, all because Benoit fucking Mercier had to go and get himself got by Belle like a fucking loser. Happy now, asshole?


“Yeah,” says Jin, and turns away from the bank of computers and the observation window, away from the battle Polaris won’t let them fight in the room below. “Thank you. Genuinely.”


An almost surprised pause on Polaris’s end, and then the voice says, with a hopeful note, “So you’ll sit tight?”


“Yeah, yep. You betcha.”


Jin raises both arms, intending to smash a hole in the floor, and their body kind of - well, hmm, there’s not really a good word for what it does. Explodes, maybe? Explodes, and they fill the observation room up to the ceiling, a churning pillar of flesh, before smashing down not only through the floor but through the floor below that, and the floor below that.


It feels, hmm. Weird. Not the same type of weird as when the nanobots shore up their muscles and move around under their skin - or, well, exactly that same type of weird, but times like one thousand. Jin doesn’t really have arms and legs in this moment, they sort of abstractly realize as they pick a direction at random and crash through wall after wall, not thinking super hard about where they’re going or how they’re going there. The mass of flesh and nanobots they’ve become just kind of goes, and it occurs to Jin that Polaris doesn’t seem to be holding the reins anymore. It’s just them and the bots. Serves you right, motherfucker, getting between me and what I fucking came here for, Jin thinks, and a pair of heavy metal doors buckles and shrieks and goes flying under the unrelenting onslaught of their body and they’re in a testing chamber, maybe the one they’ve been getting their ass kicked in these past few days, maybe a different one, they all look the fucking same, whatever, who cares which one, Jin’s gotten their ass kicked in all of them. It’s nice to stretch all the way out, it’s like they’ve been hunching over in the low-ceilinged cells and hallways and now they can get up to their - holy shit, is this their full height, they’re fucking tall now - their full height in the couple of seconds it takes them to cross the concrete floor and barrel through the wall on the other side.


Sterile white corridor. God fucking dammit, they all look the same. Through another couple of walls. No personnel in sight, luckily, or Jin would be fucking trampling them. Whole place must be on alert, or in lockdown, or whatever the protocol is in your garden variety secret illegal medical experiment center. Operating theater. Jin doesn’t intentionally smash up the surgery table and the steel cabinets full of strange vials of whatever-the-fuck, but that stuff’s in their way, so. On the other side of that wall is a storage freezer full of metal wire-rack shelves, rows and rows of lidded petri dishes and clear plastic bags of bio-materials, neatly labeled. It’s all shattered on the floor in a second. Jin doesn’t feel the cold. Their head hurts, maybe, or maybe it just feels real fucking weird to be aware of their own shoulder muscles crushed up against their cheeks and temples as they move. Or, well, what they think are their cheeks and temples, it’s tough to tell which part of their body is which. Is their head still shaped like a head? It’s a miracle their glasses are still clinging doggedly to the face they can’t tell if they have.


More cells. They’re small, and Jin mows through them without pausing. The video feed showed some kind of lab, with a console in the middle. Jin’s going to find it. If they take the building down with them in the process, dope. Nothing but pluses.


On a whim, Jin hangs a right, through the back wall of a cell and then out and along a hallway, ripping up floor and ceiling tiles, and then there’s another thick set of doors crumpling under their - well, fists, theoretically, but the bulbous, writhing, club-like appendages they keep glimpsing out in front of them can only be called fists in the loosest possible sense - and this is it, this is the lab. Walls lined with mystery machinery, the freestanding console in the middle, and beyond that, the S1N unit with the flickering face, and beyond that, Ben with his wrists in restraints, looking like shit. Both robot and human are staring at Jin with varying degrees of comprehension.


Jin’s body shrinks, not evenly but in fits and gulps, bulging ripples of muscle sort of swallowing back into themselves until Jin is more the size they expect to be when the nanobots take over, which is still big, but like reasonable human big. Kind of. They’ve still got a good several inches on Ben and the robot as they approach, on their own legs, wow it’s cool to have legs again, even though the nanobots are doing a worse job than usual of keeping them from stumbling. Jin’s head is pounding, and it feels like every individual muscle in their body just got real friendly with a meat tenderizer. There’s no way they should still be standing right now, the bots are so depleted, but they keep their feet as they draw up even with the S1N unit and say hoarsely, “Outta my fucking way.”


“Jin?” That’s Ben, and even though Jin is still pissed at him, it’s good to hear his voice. He didn’t say anything on the video feed, and Jin was afraid for a second that Polaris had taken his speech from him somehow. Not that the world would be worse for a silent Ben. But still.


“I cannot allow you to pass,” says the robot.


Jin cocks a weighty fist. Their vision is starting to glaze. “Motherfucker, do I look like I’m playing? I will knock your ass into next fucking week. Move it.”


The robot’s features shift and change as it tilts its face at them, looking them up and down, and Jin wonders if this is the thing they thought was Ben, that looked like Ben and sounded like Ben and fought harder and better than Ben ever did or could, the thing they’ve been throwing themself against in the testing chamber like a dumbass every day since they woke up here. If so, Jin knows damn well it can wipe the floor with them. They don’t have another super-nanobot charge in them right now, god, fuck, their head hurts so bad, but impossibly, they feel their shoulders getting broader as they stare the thing down, swaying a little on their aching wobbly legs. “Move.”


The S1N unit steps to the side, its movements strange and clipped, like an old cartoon.


Jin’s body promptly deflates the rest of the way, and only then do they notice that their t-shirt and shorts are hanging off them in strips, the fabric stretched membrane-thin, torn and gaping at every seam. Oh well. The nanobots feel sluggish, muscles in their forearms barely swelling as they strain at Ben’s wrist cuffs, sweating and gritting their teeth, until they manage to wrench them apart. He watches them work through two black eyes, uncharacteristically quiet. Jin isn’t sure how they feel about him having seen them all, like, like that. All huge. Out of control. Not that he’s never seen Jin out of control before, but now he looks so shell-shocked that Jin can’t tell whether he’s scared of them or not, and that kind of sucks.


Briefly, Jin considers asking him the same thing they asked the fake Ben - what did I say to you in the infirmary? - but he winces when they run a thumb over the fresh bruise along his cheekbone, so Jin knows it’s really him this time. “Hey, man. You look like shit. What’d they do to you?”


He focuses on them with a visible effort. “They... knocked me around. But I’m all right.”


“You fucking scared me, dude. You good to walk?” Jin’s not sure the answer to that question is a solid yes for either of them, but they sling his arm over their shoulders and get ready to give it a try anyway. Weird, it’s just now striking them that for all the ways in which they’ve been physically intimate with this fucking kid - all the times they’ve slept with him, throttled him, woken up with an arm draped over him, knocked him on his ass, fallen unconscious beside him, kissed him like their life depended on it - that the two of them have never, like, hugged. Jin has never, like, held him, like they held Soul that one time when she learned how to cry. Obviously the S1N unit is still blocking their exit and Jess and Sue Ann are still here somewhere and Polaris is still at large and there’s a lot more to do tonight and Jin is so, so fucking tired and their head hurts so goddamn bad. But like. Weird how these things shake out.

bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
last of the backlog thank u for ur patience 


The red numbers on the digital clock by the bed read 4:58 AM when Jin finally forces themself to crack an eye and peer at it. They reach out an exploratory hand, find their glasses on the bedside table with only minimal shuffling around, sit up, run a hand over their face. Mouth tastes like hot garbage. Jin puts their glasses on and swings their legs out of bed, leaving Ben, an unmoving shape half-covered by the blanket, as they fumble their way to the tiny bathroom by the dim slice of light spilling under the door.


The fluorescent overheads in here are harsh at the best of times and straight up unbearable now, but Jin doesn't give in to the urge to slap at the switch on the wall. The water they splash on their face is lukewarm, even after almost a full minute of waiting with their hand under the faucet for it to run cold. They swish their mouth out with it anyway, grimacing at the furriness of their tongue. Sure would be great if they could brush their teeth, but that would necessitate keeping a toothbrush here, and that’s not what kind of a thing this is.


Jin can almost bear to open their eyes now. They squint at themself in the cabinet mirror, then grumble and look down to find the fresh bruises along one collarbone and another matching set of fingerprint-shaped ones lining each hip. That’s their own fault, they suppose.


Quit handling me like I’m fucking fragile, asshole. You’re not gonna hurt me, I promise. I can fucking take it.


Ben had made the mistake of touching Jin’s face, albeit drunkenly, just for a moment. Jin had smacked his hand away and scolded him, and then they had found themself on their stomach suddenly, Ben’s fingers digging vise-like into the ridge of their hips.


Ben didn’t usually do that tender shit. Maybe he and Jori are fighting again.


Speaking of whom, Jin needs to get a move on and clear out of here before she comes back. If she comes back. It always seems to be a toss-up. Maybe if Ben didn’t treat her like shit.


Maybe you should tell her.


Jin shakes their head at their reflection and gets in the shower.


***

The water is scalding, filling the white-tiled cubicle with steam. Water pressure’s fantastic too. AEGIS perks, Jin thinks, eyes closed, face turned up to the hard spray. It’s been a fucking day and it’s not even 3pm. And they’re taking the kids to Jori’s party later, so they can’t even look forward to getting fucked up. That’ll be a zoo - Soul at a dorm party, wearing clothes. Chatting with drunk upperclassmen. Dancing. Does Soul know how to dance? Probably not, right? But they learn fast, they’ll pick it up.


Jin tries to let the water pound some of the tension out of their shoulders. It’s not like they’re worried Soul can’t handle themself, or that Astin and Jess can’t (well, maybe they’re a little concerned about Astin, but only because he’s so clearly nervous about going). Jin just wants everyone to chill and kick it and not think about AEGIS or the Medusians or fucking helicopters crashing into buildings for a quick minute, is that such a big ask?


Oh god, and they keep forgetting that the whole goddamn world has seen the footage from the Medusian invasion now.


Jin pushes their sopping hair off their forehead. It’s been what, three, four days since their last shower? They can’t remember. Thinking about the veins slowly writhing and crawling under their skin has been enough to stop them from stripping down more times now than not.


God fucking dammit.


They’ll break your heart.


Their hands, resting on the back of their neck, ride up on a brief swell of artificial muscle. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? They’ll break your heart. How the hell would he know? Motherfucker. Now there was a legitimate worry - Ben cornering Soul and giving them more ideas about what to expect from hanging out with Jin. Most of which weren't even real. Or true.


Shut up. Don't say my name like that.


Jin slaps a gob of soap in their hair and and works it into a disgruntled lather.


Jin, duck!


“Fuck off, asshole,” says Jin, but it comes out as a gurgle as their mouth fills with sudsy water. They tilt their head all the way back and let the spray beat down into their open mouth until they can’t taste the suds anymore.


bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
more backlog


“Hello. You have reached the voicemail of Ichiro and Michiko Saito.” Though it is Jin’s mother speaking, she lists her husband’s name first. “We are unavailable to take your call. Please leave your name and telephone number and a brief message and we will return your call at the earliest opportunity.”


“Hey, Mom,” says Jin into the phone after the beep and a brief consideration with their thumb over the end call button. “You’ve, uh, probably seen the news. Just wanted to let you and Dad know I’m okay.” They hadn’t thought farther ahead than this, which is resulting in an overly long pause at this point. Thumbing at the edge of the bandage taped over their bicep, they stare blankly for a moment across the wide room at the diagnostics table where Soul is sitting, swinging their legs with perfect rhythmic accuracy and glowing that pale minty seafoam color. “I missed a little school but I’m doing the catch-up work - my adviser doesn’t think I’ll need to add a semester or anything. Maybe a couple of summer classes.”


If they’re gonna be spending more time here in the future, they should ask Jess if Lord Midnight has any rules about smoking in his super secret base.


“I’m fine,” Jin says again, after another extended pause, chewing the inside of their lip. “Don’t worry too much about me. I have friends here, even. You’d be proud.” That’s not strictly true. Thinking of Jess and Astin getting smashed at the party, of smoking with Ben on the edge of the pier, Jin almost laughs, but swallows it back. “Hope you guys are doing g- doing well. Talk to you later.” They hang up.


Hopefully that will head off most of the questions.




bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
alright so here's the rest of these that i have right now, they were up on my tumblr but i want 2 have em all in one place lol

 

“Ben, pick up your fucking phone! You can’t - fuck, dude - whatever bullshit you’re tryna pull right now, there’s no way you’re gonna pull it off on your own. We gotta take NutriTech down, and we gotta do it together, remember, we’re a team? You gotta meet up with us so we can get a plan figured out, and we can’t do that if you won’t pick up your goddamn phone!”


It takes Jin three tries to hang up, jabbing at the end call button with a blunt, shaking fingertip. Their hand is huge, muscular and veiny and crawling beneath the skin with nanobots and stress. They grip the phone in a bulging fist and pace to the front of the diner, breathing fast and shallow and tight, shoulders humped up around their ears. No searchlights outside this time, thank fuck. But this is an abandoned diner, not a secure bunker underground. AEGIS will do a more thorough sweep at some point, and that will be it for them.


What was he doing at the museum? Where was he taking Belle? Where was Belle taking him, if she wasn't unconscious? Jin runs a shaky hand through their hair, fervently wishing for a smoke. Fuck, how long has it been since they had one? Ben brought some to the AEGIS infirmary, and then they busted the fucking walls down to escape. Fuck. They should have at least gotten dressed and pocketed the cigarettes first. They should have at least said one of the dozen-odd things they wanted to say before he walked out.


“Hey, uh - Ben?”


He stops in the doorway, turns back. “Yes?”


Thanks. Thanks for the clothes. Thanks for the cigarettes. Thanks for having my back. Answer your fucking phone. Don’t leave me. Call Jori, you asshole, it’s been three days and she keeps asking me if you’re safe, if you’re okay. You know I’d be a real mess without you, right? I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hit you on the beach, but you were being a dick. Stay until I fall asleep. Why are you still with her when you couldn’t give less of a shit about her? God dammit, why didn’t you text me back? I -


“Nothing. I - nothing. Never mind.”


“Alright.” And he leaves.


Jin pushes their glasses up their forehead and muffles a groan in their musclebound palms. There’s a citywide manhunt in progress. Astin is gone. Ben could be gone. He almost hurt Soul. Soul did get hurt, badly enough to regenerate. And Jin couldn’t stop any of it.


At least, thinks Jin miserably, I’m not actively bleeding out anymore.
bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
 

It hurts, even in the dream.


Jin clenches their teeth, but the impact of the jolt stick knocks a grunt out of them anyway. The broad-shouldered woman has been at it for a while, white ceramic armor plates protecting her chest and knees, a visor over her face. Every time Ben or Sue Ann flags in their attacks, glances towards the window separating their lab and Jin’s, the stick connects again, sending another brutal bolt of electricity through Jin’s body.


In the dream, as in life, the nanobots do nothing in this moment to soften the blows. They are inert, useless, and Jin’s limbs tremble with the catastrophic effort of staying upright on their knees. They tried to remain standing at first, but that only lasted so long.


Circling Sue Ann with a hand outstretched, steel orbs flashing around him, Ben’s eyes flicker to Jin for half an instant. The woman with the jolt stick doesn’t see, but Jin does. The fear in that flick of a look. Before coming here, Jin has never, never seen Ben afraid.


The pause lasts long enough to warrant another blow to Jin’s back, and they arch helplessly, pain ripping through them. And then, in dream fashion, they are abruptly on their stomach in Ben’s bed, head turned to one side, watching him through lazy half-lidded eyes as he steps out of his clothes, trailing a perfunctory hand over their bare shoulder. And then they’re kneeling over him on the floor of the Nutritech lab, blood on their knuckles, on his face, and their muscle-swollen hand is around his neck, bearing down. And then they’re kissing him in a dark corner of someone’s basement, and he tastes like beer and cigarettes, and his teeth are catching at their lower lip, on the edge of painful. And then they’re on the beach, Jin’s fist still thick with muscle, Ben lying in the shallows, wet hair in his eyes, wheezing. And then they’re in a skeletal concrete frame of a building with open air behind them and Jin is drawing him in with a hand cupped to the back of his head. And then they’re arguing in raised voices, fists clenched, facing each other across a NutriTech lab, because Jin wants to leave and Ben wants to stay and neither of them really have a choice.


“Jin?”


Fuck off, snarls dream Jin as two NutriTech lab techs march in and haul them and Ben away from each other. Jin clamps down on the arm of one and only then jolts awake, breathing hard, woozy with morphine and gripping a surprised Soul by the wrist. Oh. That’s right. AEGIS medbay. Stitches. “Huh - what,” they say through slow-moving lips, and let go of Soul’s arm. A moment later, squinting blearily without their glasses, they make out the long shape of Ben in the doorway. “What’s going on?”
bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
 this one's got more needles and medical shit so skip it if that's not ur thing


After bawling in Triple’s office like a first grader with a skinned knee, all Jin wants in the world is to go back to their apartment and sleep. But the simple step of catching a train feels like an insurmountable obstacle and they suspect they won’t be allowed to leave AEGIS premises anyway, so Jin wanders up to the infirmary, finds the room they were in before the whole thing with Marshall Law went down (the plastic bag is still there on the side table), collapses into bed, and passes the fuck out.


A nurse rouses them with some difficulty the next morning, when they find they’ve been stripped out of their shredded clothing and manhandled into a hospital gown. They’re ten minutes late to Swansong’s address and they leave as soon as it’s over, head throbbing, staggering back to the infirmary without pausing to talk to Soul and the others. Not that Soul would want to talk to them, why would she? They sleep for two days uninterrupted. The next time they wake, it’s from a dream of Ben saying “I was hoping you’d come with me” and their head doesn’t hurt so bad now, everything’s kind of numb and floaty, but they ask for morphine anyway, knowing there’s a good chance the doctor won’t give it to them because of the head trauma. She considers them for a long moment before authorizing a low dose. They must look pretty fucking pitiful. She warns them not to get used to it.


More days drift by. Jin’s not counting. They sleep when they can, and beg for painkillers when they can’t. If anyone tries to visit, they sleep through it.


The particular smell of hospitals used to be familiar to the point of ambivalence. Jin’s father came home smelling like work all the time, and many of the spaces Jin inhabited on campus smelled like that, clean, cotton and plastic and metal. It hadn’t taken long in the NutriTech labs for Jin to start thinking of the constant head-swimming presence of antiseptics as less of a scent and more of a stink. Bolting awake in the small hours of the night, sweaty and gulping for air, muscle-thick fingers scrabbling at the slow-healing scar across their chest, the sterile smell of the AEGIS infirmary is finally too much for them. Gotta get out.


Jin reaches for the plastic bag on the bedside table. One change of clothes - 4x white tshirt, basketball shorts, boxers. No socks. Motherfucker. No cigarettes and no lighter either. Doctor must have confiscated those.


There’s nothing of Ben’s in the bag, because why would there be.


Jin swings their legs out of bed and pulls the tubes out of their arm, slowly and at a neutral angle like the textbooks say to do it, muscle standing out sharp-edged and veins visibly writhing as they draw the needles free of the skin. The blood that beads there glints like dull metal. They strip off the hospital gown with less difficulty than expected, the nanobots smoothing their movements, and get dressed, settling their glasses on their nose for the first time in days. They find their shoes beside the visitor’s chair and put those on too, shoving their sockless feet in there, because fuck that asshole. Their head swims a little as they bend to tighten the laces.


A night nurse meets them at the door, glancing between them and the name written on the clipboard hanging on the wall outside. “Shima? Where do you think you’re going? Get back to bed.”


Dammit. Shoulda gone for the window. “I’m - I gotta -” Usually they have no trouble coming up with an off-the-cuff brazen lie, but all this being upright is making their head pound and they can’t think of a coherent thing to say other than the not particularly convincing, I’m losing my fucking marbles, I can’t be here any fucking more. But they don’t fight the nurse as she lays a hand on their arm and leads them gently back to the bed, sits them down on the edge of it.


“Gotta get my homework,” says Jin dumbly as the nurse tugs their shoes back off and hooks them up to the machines again. She doesn’t make them put on the medical gown.


“No books or screens for at least another week,” she says, checking their pulse with brisk efficiency. “You can have someone bring it to you after that, maybe.”


Jin doesn’t mention that the person who habitually brings them their missed assignments is gone, and also that they never used to miss assignments, and also that all they really want is to be doing those assignments on the living room floor with Ben on the couch behind them pointing out Jin’s mistakes over their shoulder and the physics guys passing a bottle of vodka back and forth and Jori curled up in the armchair with her philosophy reading and Felipe making stovetop popcorn in the kitchen with the TV on. They want to wear the cute crop tops and ripped jeans and sleeveless hoodies that are still folded neatly away in the bottom two dresser drawers in their apartment, clothes they bought when they were just figuring out how to be fashionable and they still had the energy to spend their allowance on things other than cigarettes and freezer meals. They want to look in the mirror and see hickeys on their neck and the long, lean body testosterone gave them, not veins twitching and grotesque muscles bulging under their skin and their chest bisected by a long, shiny scar and the pucker of a bullet wound in their bicep. They haven’t looked properly yet, but ever since they went all embracing-their-namesake and smashed their way through NutriTech 2.0 (which, fuck, Jesus, they haven’t even attempted to deal with that yet), it seems like their limbs and shoulders are bulkier than they were before, like they’ve been working out instead of sleeping eighteen hours a day and drinking their meals through a straw.


Jin waits until the nurse has slipped out and shut the door behind her before they pull the loose neck of their tshirt up over their nose, inhaling the tobacco smell that no amount of washing will remove and the generic detergent they share with Marcus and Cassidy. They force their eyes to close and relax, try to pretend they’re lying in their own extra-long twin in their apartment with its shitty squeaky frame and the pillow they brought with them from their parents’ house in California, but their brain, their fucking pudding brain that’s been rattled around so bad in their skull, that they have even less control over than the nanobots apparently, puts them instead in the double bed in Ben’s room, their forehead resting against the back of his neck and one arm draped across his middle, his breathing a steady rise and fall under their hand.


The noise Jin makes as they let the shirt fall away from their face and turn into the hospital pillow, taking a big lungful of harsh hospital smell, could be interpreted as a whine. But no one is here to interpret anything now, and for that, if nothing else, Jin is grateful.


bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
 

“Jin! Have you finished your homework?”


“Not yet!” Jin shouts down the stairs, returning his pencil immediately to his mouth afterwards. He’s developed a habit of chewing on the metal thing that holds the eraser on - not even really chewing, just clicking his teeth against it. Nibbling. It’s a stress thing, he suspects. Some of the kids in his grade have taken up smoking, which would be a lot more intriguing of a concept if he thought he could ever in a million years get away with it.


Taking the pencil out of his mouth, Jin scratches his temple with the damp eraser and copies out the calc problem onto a fresh sheet of notebook paper. Four more problems. The last one took him seven minutes. These last few look a little harder. Maybe half an hour, if he really bears down on it. Dinner was three hours ago, at six-thirty sharp. He should be in bed by ten if he wants eight hours of sleep. But he’s got another round of edits on this English essay left, and a fresh set of notecards to make for the bio reading, and it takes six minutes precisely to get into his pajamas, brush his teeth, take his hormones, and get into bed.


He knows he won’t be in bed by ten.


Jin leans back in the ergonomic office chair his parents got him for Christmas and blows out a sigh. Outside the window of his bedroom under the eaves, clouds scuttle aside to reveal the moon, as if the moon blew them out of the way, also sighing.


Jin is tired. He can’t remember the last time he slept more than six hours in a night. But his grades are impeccable, and he does well at math bowls on weekends, and sometimes when she thinks he’s not looking, he catches his mother watching him with pride in her eyes.


That makes it all worth it, right?


bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
 

Jin really, really wants to sleep. They’re exhausted, aching all over, bruised, and the ever-present tickle of the nanobots rushing along beneath their skin is driving them up the fucking wall. But they’re back on the exam table in the lab they first woke up in, lying on their back with the white jumpsuit pushed down to their waist while a nurse slathers their ribs with cool gel. It’s to help the bruising, theoretically, but they haven’t exactly given Jin time to recover between bouts, and inevitably new bruises keep getting stacked on top of the old ones. Still, Jin is pretty sure they’re in better shape than Ben.


They’ve never thought of Ben as fragile. He certainly has no trouble pinning Jin to the bed or a wall or the bathroom counter or where the fuck ever. He’s not, like, shredded or anything, but he’s bigger than Jin and that’s always been enough for him to do more or less whatever he wants. It wasn’t until Jin found themself kneeling over him and squeezing his throat in their fist that it struck them just how little effort it would take for them to hurt him, now. With this new body. Well - same body, just full of nanobots that aren’t a hundred percent under Jin’s control.


“Hold still, please,” says the black-visored nurse as Jin flinches away from his gloved hands, hissing.


“Fucking hurts,” mutters Jin, gripping the edge of the table. Their ribs are throbbing - probably not broken, hopefully - and even the light touch of the nurse as he smooths on the gel is painful. Breathing is painful. Okay, maybe they are broken.


Did he really grab for their hand, at the end of that first trial? Half-conscious, blood running down his face from the sutures across his forehead, fingers grasping weakly at Jin’s wrist as if to say I’m here, I’m alive. Jin didn’t imagine that?


They’ve only seen each other during trials, so Jin hasn’t had the chance to ask him. Every time they square off, he looks worse. And usually it’s Jin’s fault.


Their fingers, curled around the edge of the metal table, are thick with muscle, grotesque. Jin makes a conscious effort to relax them, but then the latex-gloved hand slathers another gob of gel onto a livid bruise at the side of their ribcage and they tense up again, breathing through their teeth. “Hey, can you fucking not?” There’s little bite to the words; they just want to sleep.


“You’re scheduled for another round of trials early next week,” says the nurse placidly, screwing the cap back onto the gel pot. “We’ve been instructed to get you into the best shape we possibly can before then. Sit up, please.”


Jin raises themself on one elbow, stops to breathe through the insistent pain in their chest, and hoists themself up the rest of the way. Another three or four days of sitting around in their cell, it sounds like, before getting tossed into the ring again. What they wouldn’t give for some microbio homework to fill up the time. The nurse feeds Jin’s arms back into the clinging white bodysuit and fastens it shut while Jin remains inert, bone-tired and in pain.


We gotta get outta here.
bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
 

There’s no cell service down here, obviously. Jin shakes their head in disgust, pockets their phone, and leans back against the wall, blowing a sigh.


If hard-light AIs could sweat, Soul looks like she would be sweating, holding the huge pillar construct together with all her might. Jin doesn’t want to risk breaking her concentration, so they leave her to it, fishing shakily in their other pocket for cigarettes and lighter. The nicotine does its work quickly, as always, but it doesn’t stop their mind from racing as they tilt their head back and close their eyes, breathing out smoke.


It’s been, what, five, six hours? Since Belle confirmed it, not since she took him there. Jin isn’t sure which was worse, the hours when they didn’t know where he was, or the hours when they did. The stomach-clenching anxiety of before has calcified into a spike of restless rage, and now they’re sitting on the floor at the foot of the watchtower in the ass-end of this fucking death trap prison, paralyzed with exhaustion, not sure if they could get up no matter how badly they want to.


They could, of course. The nanobots have gotten them up from worse.


Jin takes a long drag of the cigarette and feels the barely-healed edges of the sword wound in their chest tug and sting on the inhale. The thing is - the really shitty thing - is that they’re in no shape to storm NutriTech. And NutriTech might have been the last place they wanted to be as recently as this time yesterday, but right now in this second they’d shove that fucking bullshit angel sword up their whole ass if it meant they could get there faster.


There’s a shout from outside the chamber - “Soul? Jin? You guys still there?” and Jin calls back, “Yeah,” without getting up. Might as well save what little energy they have left, for when it matters.


bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
 

“Ouch,” says Jin, picking herself up from her hands and knees, scraped and bleeding gently.


“Jin, come inside,” her mother calls from the steps of their house. It’s a small house with a palm in front, in a row of similar small houses with similar palms in front. This house has a short gravel driveway, and right now the driveway has a little tricycle upended on it. Jin picks at the bits of gravel embedded in her palms, leaving the tricycle on its side at first, then going back to retrieve it after a moment and wheeling it to the dry grass of the front yard so that her father won’t hit it with his car when he returns from work long after the sun goes down. She holds the pink plastic ribbed handlebars gingerly, hands stinging. A hot, dry breeze blows her bangs into her eyes, and she scrubs them away with her knuckles as she toddles to the steps. “Ouch,” she says again, a touch more insistently, holding out her hands for her mother to see.


Michiko clicks her tongue, once, appraising the upturned palms with a gentle grip on Jin’s wrists before leading her daughter into the house. “What can we do better next time, Jin?”


“Go slower,” Jin mumbles, following Michiko to the kitchen. She is just now noticing a faint smear of dirt on the front of her new t-shirt. Jin brushes at it and succeeds only in flecking the white cotton and embroidered sea otters (and the printed text beneath: Monterey Bay Aquarium, 2003) with blood. Michiko lifts her up into one of the tall kitchen chairs and swabs gently at her skinned knees with a damp paper towel. Jin stares gloomily down at her t-shirt. Her hands are stinging.


“Mommy, when can we go to the beach again?”


Michiko lifts her head, surprised. “We just came back, Jin. If your father earns enough money, we can go again next year.”


“A whole year?” Jin can feel her lip wobbling. “That’s so long.


“We have plenty to do before then. If you keep busy, the time goes by faster,” says Michiko, dabbing at Jin’s palms. When she lifts the paper towel away, Jin can see tiny blooms of red on it. “Aren’t you excited to start kindergarten soon?”


“Will I make friends?”


“Yes, you will make friends, and study hard, and learn many new things.”


“Okay,” says Jin, still glum, still thinking about the beach. The way her toes dug into the warm sand. The cool water, sparkling in the sun, a gritty peanut-butter sandwich, a pair of screaming seagulls fighting over the crusts she tossed them. The big kids shouting on the beach volleyball court, swatting a ball back and forth over a net that Jin could walk under without even brushing the top of her head.


Someday, when she’s grown, she decides, sitting alone in the high kitchen chair as her mother leaves the room to get bandaids, she will live close enough to the beach to visit it every day.


bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
none of this junk is dm-approved lol, also dont read this one if u dont like needles


The first few moments of consciousness are supremely disorienting. And painful. Jin can’t move, can’t even roll their head to one side, so they catch only blurry glimpses of a forest of tubes and ribbed hoses dangling above them. They hurt all over, so severely that they can’t pinpoint any one place where the pain is originating. What the fuck, they try to say, managing at best a dry-mouthed groan, at which point they realize there’s a mask over the lower half of their face, two hoses protruding from it.

A voice is speaking somewhere, but Jin can’t make out the words past their own panicked breathing, bouncing around inside the mask. A figure looms over them, full medical suit, black visor over the face, syringe in hand. Dad? No, that doesn’t make sense, why would he be - are they dreaming? Are they high? Fuck, everything hurts. And then the syringe is coming down towards their neck and Jin’s arm jerks and there’s a loud snap and they see their own hand catch the doctor’s wrist - holy shit, is that their hand? It’s so thick, they gotta be high - and the doctor grunts behind their visor, surprised, and then a second later there’s a shout of agony as the hand clamps down, crunching through bone. Jin lets go, and the action feels delayed, like it takes a second longer than it should for the command to travel from their brain to their fingers. As the doctor stumbles back, whimpering, Jin lifts their head and looks down at themself and absolutely doesn’t understand what they see.

Dozens? Hundreds? A lot of needles are piercing their arms and legs and chest, and each of the needles is attached to a hose, snaking up into the big machine above them. That, at least, explains the pain, thinks Jin hazily, and the straps crossing over their hips and thighs explain their inability to move. But what the fuck is it all for? The strap across their chest is gone, snapped when they raised their - holy fuck, why is their arm so big - Jin blinks, squints, but their forearm and hand remain swollen, twice, three times their normal size, still bristling with needles. Okay, bad trip then.

Then there’s the piercing sting of yet another needle in the side of their neck, a hefty one, and they watch their arm deflate like a leaking balloon, their skin crawling - no, something crawling under the skin, fuck, that’s bad - Jin’s head falls back into the stirrup it was resting in before, their neck no longer supporting its own weight, and sees the doctor pressing the plunger into the syringe with their off hand, the other one cradled to their chest.

Mumbling a curse, Jin blacks out.
bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
i have all these little bits of masks writing lying around that i might as well post - not super going in chronological order sry


Jin has very few memories of Japan. Almost none of the actual town they visited on the outskirts of Saga, tucked away in the mountains and flush with greenery, according to the photo albums their mother painstakingly constructed after both trips. In the photos, the sky was almost always cloudy white, the mountainsides green, the buildings small and low and dark in contrast. The first time, they were too young to recall anything but hiding their face in their mother’s neck as she carried them through the airport, which was loud and bright and overwhelming and smelled funny. All that Jin really remembers from the second trip are the small sensory things: the texture of the paper screen separating the bedroom they shared with their parents from the rest of the house, and the way the light of a candle filtered through it late at night. They remember lying awake beside their mother on the sleeping mat, watching the glow of the candle through the paper. They don’t remember their grandfather, so tiny, stooped shoulders and white wispy beard, deep creases etched into his face, smiling close-lipped in the photos, but they know he sat on a zabuton on the living room floor, staring into that candle flame, for many nights after his wife died - Jin’s grandmother, who they never met. What they do remember is his hand, all knuckle and tendon and wrinkled skin like a bird’s claw, coming to rest heavily on Jin’s bony little shoulder, the weight surprising when the hand itself looked so dry and papery. They remember nothing from the funeral but the smell of the wet leaves and flowers that surrounded the casket, and that the bench they sat on between their parents, red lacquer, chipping a bit at the edges, was wet with recent rain. The droplets on the lacquer had soaked into the seat of their dress, and they’d wanted to squirm in discomfort, but everyone was so somber and still that four-year-old Jin had held still too, rigidly concentrating on a drop of water making its way down the back of the bench in front of them. They remember the monument marking their family's ancestral grave, black stone, flecked with lighter specks, impeccably smooth and clean, the rivulets of rainwater traveling down it unimpeded. They remember the inari sushi they ate at their grandfather’s low kitchen table afterwards, the softest rice they’d ever eaten, the vinegar and salt bursting on their tongue, somehow much more flavorful than the inari sushi their mother would pack in their school lunches the following year. And their clearest memory is of the bath they took that night, shivering as their mother splashed a basin of cool water on them beforehand, then sinking into the scalding water up to their chin, their little forehead breaking out in sweat immediately. They had to stand in the bath, they remember, as it was so deep that not even their father, tall as he was, could sit with his head above water. They liked how hot it was - no bath they’d ever had at home had made them feel quite so scoured clean.

Their grandfather’s little house on the mountainside is still there. Had they a mind, and the money, Jin could book a flight to the Kyushu Saga International Airport anytime they wanted. And even if they never go back, they have that little bundle of sensory memories, small, bright, like jewels.

Ben doesn’t even have that.

This is what continues to bother them as they lie in bed after returning from the beach, after saying good night to Soul. They’re too exhausted to shower. Their hair is stiff with salt, the smell of brine clings to their skin, and there will be sand in their sheets in the morning. They flush red every time they think about the sweet way she kissed them.

But Ben’s voice was sharp, when he denied being upset about Paris, and they can’t put the sound of it out of their mind.

I can’t imagine, Jin might have said, had things gone differently, had Ben acted like less of a colossal shit. Had he not deflected by saying every heartless thing he could think of about Astin and Jess and Sue Ann. Had Jin not fallen for all of it. I’m sorry.
bipolyjack: a person with glasses smoking a cigarette (jin saito)
further testing, with this short jin piece i forgot i wrote after one of the last sessions of masks we played lol


Jin thinks maybe they’ve never been so tired. You would think unconsciousness would be a passable enough substitute for sleep, but it’s really not like that. Not here, anyway. How many times can they wake up tired before they just stop waking up?

They opt to lie still and silent for another hot minute, feigning sleep for Polaris’s cameras, one arm flung over their face. Asshole never fucking shuts the lights off in the cell - blasting away at the papery-dry skin of Jin’s eyelids at all hours, making them lose track of whether it’s day or night. It’s already getting hard to remember how many times they’ve faced Ben, gotten their ass whipped - he’s stronger now than he was the first time, a hell of a lot stronger - passed the fuck out, and come to in the cell again. Their head throbs in time with their pulse, even with their eyes closed. They really oughta take better care of their skull. Fragile-ass brain-bowl’s gonna shatter on them one of these times and that’ll be the end of that. Didn’t Ben used to be more fragile? What happened to that. Or were they just throwing weak-ass punches these days.

He splashes into the shallows and lies there, wheezing. Tries to push himself up out of the water. Falls back, one arm wrapped around his stomach.

He hadn’t even cried out, when Jin punched him across the trial chamber and into the wall. Hadn’t even winced, actually. Just got up and shook it off like a -

Fuck, wait.

Fuck.

Where’s Soul? I thought she’d be with you. Why are you still with her, anyway?

Why are you still with Jori?

I’d rather not talk about that.

Then I’d rather not talk about Soul!


Jin steels themself for the bright overheads and gets up, hissing at the pain in their temples. They fucking fell for it like an absolute fucking walnut. Although to be fair their brain feels like a loose jelly in their head right now, of course it was gonna take them a minute to put two and two together. “Alright, Polaris. Open up. Let’s fucking go.”
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